Come on Back Now Ya Hear?

I've been trying to remember what my dad was like before he got Alzheimer's. Anymore I just think of him the way he is now. Even though he's still alive, he's just a shell of the man he once was. It's like an invasion of the body snatchers. He looks like my dad, but it's not him anymore. His personality, his soul died a long time ago.

I was at my mom's house the other day and we came across dad's old retirement video from almost 20 years ago. That's when I really realized that I had forgotten the person he used to be. His one liners, his smile, his silliness. It's not until you're an adult that you really see your parents as people. You start seeing the ways you're alike. And in watching the video, I could see the similarities. Growing up, you are nothing like your parents. That would be the kiss of death. I mourn not being able to know him as an adult child knows their parent. I wonder if he would like me?? Or if I'd like him? I have such an amazing relationship with my mom, I can only imagine how great it would be with my father. And it makes me very, very sad to miss out on that relationship.